Time Turners Are NOT Snitches
by Gwilwileth of Imladris
Summary: I'm going to kill Sirius for this." " What's a tanning bed?" "Marine cut?" The Future is not prepared for the Mauraders.
1. Chapter1

SIRIUS! Don't Play With Time Turners!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing people. I am just a very insane a bored human being.  
  
AN: I am not a Harry Potter fanatic, but my Beta Reader is. She'll take the red pen of death to this story if I mess things up too bad.  
  
Chapter one: I'm Going to Kill Sirius.Once He Stops Puking That Is.  
  
" I'm going to kill Sirius for this... " James Potter mumbled as he stared at his reflection. Yes, he wanted to kill Sirius for what was happening. It was all  
  
The Sirius Black who decided it would be fun to play a game of ' Toss me! Catch me!' with Remus's time turner while the other two boys were asleep. James being a seeker caught the time turner with no problem, but Sirius and his damn butter fingers...  
  
Next thing the two conscious boys knew they where in their dorms, but it was broad daylight, and the calendar on the wall said," August 26th, 2003." James woke up a grumbling Remus and Peter dragging both boys down stairs. The common room looked the same, the furniture a little newer though. Walking outside the Portrait of the Fat Lady looked the same but she stared at them like they where ghosts.  
  
She kept screaming over and over." You shouldn't be here!"  
  
Remus, being the gentlemen he was, tried to placate the portrait but to no avail. All her screaming attracted something of an over-grown bat and a filthy limping man with a cat.  
  
The over-grown bat's eye widen like saucers at the sight of them. Marauders noticed that this bat looked a lot like Snivellus but older and with greasier hair.  
  
" I've died and gone to hell." Was all the bat said for a few minutes.  
  
Sirius looked at the bat for a moment, he flapped his pajama-covered arms up and down like a bat. James laughed at Sirius and pulled all the Marauders into a huddle.  
  
" It can't be." Peter said staring at the over grown bat from the huddle.  
  
" Yea. I'm with Wormtail by the laws of natural selection he should be allowed have lived this long." Sirius smirked still moving his arms like a bat.  
  
Remus put in his two-cents worth, "Well he did live long enough to attend Hogwarts and he survived me."  
  
" True" James nodded then popped his head out of the huddle. Turing his eyes humor filled eyes to the over grown bat he said," But just to be sure..."  
  
Each Marauder turned to the bat and said in a 'I'm a little innocent angel *cough* not' voice, " Snivellus?"  
  
Said bat's face became blood red and he snarled." TO THE HEAD MASTER'S OFFICE, NOW!"  
  
Once in the Headmaster's office much was discussed between the Marauders, a slightly older Dumbledore, Magonigal, and that over-grown bat-errr they mean Snape. In an hours time they had learned that in this time James was dead, as was Lilly. James had a son Harry. Volemort was trying to rise to power again. Sirius was dead as well after spending most of his adult life in Azkaban, thanks to Peter who betrayed all of them. The only one of the Maurader's left alive in this time was Remus. That was all a lot to take in.  
  
James and Sirius where shocked silent. Peter looked close to tears, and Remus tried to comfort all three of them.  
  
" To be perfectly honest...I have never heard of a time turner sending someone foreword in time," Dumbledore admitted to the four young men." But do not fear, you will stay here. Be given room, board, and education. Think of this as a second chance gentleman. Though...........many changes will be in order..."  
  
James glared wirily at his reflection remembering that. ' Some changes indeed.'  
  
Dumbledore had told him," Sometimes Muggle ways are the best. Glamour magic could be lifted and your true appearance reviled." Of course this was after Magonigal had attacked his head with clippers, muggle hair gel, and muggle hair dye. Now his hair was nicely trimmed, spiked at the top, and a few shades lighter than normal. His glasses had been replaced with some muggle thing called "contacts'', little soft plastic things that sat on his eyes turning them a dark black.  
  
Dumbledore had explained to them that James's son, Harry was almost in every way a mirror of James, except for the eyes so a change of appearance was in order. His friends teased him about his new look but he found a happy revenge once they learned their changes.  
  
Sirius had to use something Muggle's called," A tanning bed."  
  
"Honestly! Merlin only knows here Dumbledore get's these things!" Sirius cried as he came out to find his skin covered in a nice dark tan. Magonigal made his shave, and get one ear pierced. She cleaned up his hair and shortened it so it ended under his chin.  
  
Remus's hair had also been cleaned up and streaks of blonde where put in his auburn hair. " I swear Magonigal is having far too much fun with this," Remus frowned, ad he put in the "contacts" that turned his eyes from amber to dark blue. Remus was put in the " tanning bed" to give is skin a little color so he wouldn't be as ghostly pale as he normally was.  
  
Magonigal had been ruthless on Peter, giving him something muggles called," a Marine Cut." She even nicked the back of his head a few times. He was practically bald, and his ear was bleeding.  
  
"Now that the physical differences are over and it time to see what house you'll be in." Dumbledore said taking the sorting hat from Snape.  
  
Remus and Peter looked confused while James and Sirius laughed.  
  
" New houses." James laughed." Yea right!"  
  
James and Sirius put one arm around the other's shoulder and cheered," Loyal Gryffindor's forever!"  
  
Snape smiled," I think not." And he turned a accusing stare to Peter who shrunk behind Remus.  
  
Dumbledore smiled at them," You see it would look to suspicious to have all four of you in the same house...also it would be too much trouble- don't think I haven't forgotten about the infamous Marauders." Dumbledore laughed at them. " It would seem to odd to have all four of you transfer to Gryffindor, knowing where everything is hidden in the common rooms, so on and so forth- so in that you shall be divided."  
  
" WHAT!?"  
  
" You will do as the headmaster says." Snape smiled coldly  
  
Dumbledore made to comfort the three sixteen year olds who where near tears and ready to tear his Potions Master's head off. " Now remember this, you will always be first and forever Gryffindors but for at least three of you will be in different houses." And Dumbledore placed the hat on Remus's head.  
  
" Ah...you again... good, good! Hmm....you've gotten smarter. Very sharp. Yes I have the perfect house for you.... RAVENCLAW!"  
  
Remus wobbled a little as he walked away from Dumbledore and that sorting hat. He kept repeating over and over," Ravenclaw?" in complete shock.  
  
Sirius looked at Snape trying to figure out why he looked so disappointed at Remus getting into Ravenclaw.  
  
Next was James, the hat didn't even take a minute to sit on his head before it shouted out " GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
James blew out a breath of relief and walked happily back to the others. Sirius and Peter both looked like they where going to faint, the only houses left where Slytherin and HufflePuff.  
  
Dumbledore placed that hat on Peter's head." Hmmm ah.it's the little backstabber's turn.but this is a new chance.a new life for you.let's see." Peter was shaking like a leaf." Pfht! You little pansy.why I ever put you in Gryffindor I'll never know. Hmmmm.HUFFLEPUFF!"  
  
Peter let out a small sigh of relief, HufflePuff was better than Slytherin. That's when it clicked, that by the process of selection and that fact them each of them was to be in a separate house.Sirius was.  
  
Both Snape and Sirius turned white was ghost. Sirius then turned a pale shade of green.  
  
Snape's eye widened in horror," Albus you've got to be kidding! That hat's gone nutters I tell you! There is no way some bloody, simple-minded Gryffin-" But Snape never got to finish his sentence because at that exact moment Sirius puked onto Snape's robes then fainted.  
  
End of Chapter One  
  
Keep it? Delete it? Pretend it never was written? 


	2. Chapter 2

Time Turners are NOT Snitches  
  
Disclaimer: Please see Chapter one for disclaimer.  
  
_AN: Glad so many people liked the first chapter. I'll try to cut down on the spelling and grammar errors. Also my concept of the Ravenclaw common room might not be what is in the book, but then again i don't believe the books mention just how the Ravenclaw common room looks. Oh well. I believe the theme I have will work just fine considering in the Sorting Hat's song (book five) He calls them the smartest and wise. That's all. Also I'm not sure on their colors._  
  
Also Sirius had quiet the dirty mouth in this Chapter.  
  
Sirius: Snape earned it! It's not my fault!  
  
Chapter Two: Tour of Houses, Hagrid, and Diagon Alley.  
  
Remus couldn't believe his eyes as he stared at the decoration of the Ravenclaw Common Room.  
  
Every wall was lined with mahogany shelves holding thick, leather bound volumes; books ranging from potions and myth to everything else in-between. The furniture, which resembled roman style couches, had blue cushions with pale gold trim on the fabric.  
  
The ceiling itself was enchanted to look like a moving model of the solar system. What little wall Remus saw between the books was covered in royal blue wallpaper, the doors where gold, and above the Fire Place hung the Ravenclaw banner. But the one thing, the one thing that Remus found disturbing yet humorous rested on the shelf above the doors to the common room.  
  
It reminded him of a muggle poem Lilly told him after she had to listen to her skinny git of a sister complain about it all Christmas holiday.  
  
_"The bust of Pallas above my chamber door..."_ Remus understood why Athena the greek goddess of wisdom would be in Ravenclaw.  
  
' Smartest of them all...creepiest of them all...save for the Huffle Puffs.'  
  
But the real humor of the whole Bust of Athena above the door, and the muggle poem was this line. _"Quote the Raven,' Nevermore.'"_  
  
Taking a deep breath Remus headed down to the grand hall to see if the others where done inspecting their new houses before they went to Diagon for new school supplies and wands.  
  
As he entered the hall only James and Hagrid greeted him. "Where is everyone else?"  
  
"Still inspecting. Professor Sprout when up with Peter and Snivellus is with Sirius." James explained leaning back in his chair. "Hmm perhaps we should take the ' never tip' charm off these chairs, just at Slytherin Table of course."  
  
"Professor Flitwick let me explore on my own. And no we are not doing that! "Remus gave his best friend a glare. "Sirius is in that house now unfortunately, and you will not kick him when he's down."  
  
Hagrid chose this moment to speak." You both sound as if 'e gone ofta Hell or somethin'."  
  
"He has Hagrid. He has."  
  
_' I've gone to HELL!'_ Sirius screamed inside his mind as he trudged behind Snape. Snape was giving a long-winded lecture of how to behave in Sytherin house, basically don't do anything a ' Snotty Gryffindork' would do.  
  
_' Oh he will pay.'_ Sirius fumed silently behind the Potions Master._' GRYFFINDORKS!? He did not just go there!'_ Sirius narrowed his eyes." If only he knew what we called those sons of pillow-pushing- carpet-munching- fudge packing- dandy faerie mother fuckers." He ranted silently...  
  
"Sons of what Black?"  
  
...or so he had thought.  
  
"Fifty points shall be taken from..." Then Snape stopped dead in mid- sentence. "I- I can't deduct points from Slytherin...no matter how much Black pisses me off..." Snape said in horrific awe.  
  
Sirius broke out in a evil grin that put Satan himself to shame. "Maybe this won't be so bad after all..."  
  
' Let the Torment of Severus Bubba Snape begin.'  
  
_**' I love you. You love me. We're a happy family. With great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too.'**_  
  
Peter just stared at the Huffle Puff common room in complete horror. Yellow and stuffed badgers everywhere.  
  
"Wonderful song isn't it? " Professor Sprout smiled," One of our muggle- born students brought it in a while ago, the students liked it so much they charmed it to play every time a door is opened in this house. "  
  
Now Peter knew why the portrait used to enter Huffle Puff was named," Descent into Hell."  
  
When he asked Professor Sprout why they used THAT painting she replied," It was painted by a fifth year student...poor dear... ended up in Saint Mungos. The doctors say he keeps singing ' _I love you_.'"  
  
"Your room dear will be up-stairs down the left hall, last one on a right." Professor Sprout smiled, then noticed the clock on the mantel." Well you'd better hurry down to the Grand Hall, don't want you to be late."  
  
"Thank you for showing me around Professor Sprout." Peter said running out of the room as fast as he could. Once he got to the Grand Hall he found Remus, James, Hagrid, and Sirius who was smiling evilly to himself.  
  
"What's with Padfoot?" Peter asked hesitantly.  
  
"He's plotting a years worth of torment for Snivellus." James answered." So how was it?"  
  
"How was what?"  
  
"The Huffle Puff Common room?"  
  
"... I hate yellow...." was all Peter said before Hagrid led them all to DumbleDore's office.  
  
"E'll be usin' the floo network." Hagrid gave each of them a sprinkle of floo powder." You first Remus."  
  
Remus had to crouch down to fit in the fire place," Diagon Alley!"  
  
In the next minute Remus as in the fireplace of _'Quality Quiditch Supplies'_. Next came James, Sirius, Peter then Hagrid.  
  
"Well now, e'll be needin' some money te buy your school supplies with." Hagrid said prying James and Siruis from the Quiditch display in the front window. "Come along Remus, Come along Peter."  
  
A few of the adults managing the counter turned pale as ghosts at seeing the teenagers following Hagrid.  
  
"It can't be them! Weren't those the names of the lot James Potter hung out with?"  
  
"Yea those prats ruined my potions final, because of them I had to take remedial potions."  
  
"That other one looked alot like Sirius Black!" Came a feminine voice.  
  
"How would you know?"  
  
"I dated him you twit remember."  
  
"You don't think that Lupin had a kid do you?"  
  
"Probably not that boy looked healthier than Lupin ever did."  
  
Remus heard the comments made by workers and shopper of the store and ran quickly out of the store to find Hagrid pulling a cat off Peter's head.  
  
"Hagrid." Remus said walking beside the half-gaint. " Do any of the Students know our names?"  
  
"O'course! Every Child at Hogwarts, in the Wizarding World, knows who you four are. Why?"  
  
"Some of the adults in the store looked like they recognized us once you called our names... Perhaps we need new names." Remus suggested in a hushed voice looking to the others to get their input.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea Moony." Sirius smiled then frowned. "Change them to what though?"  
  
"Just as long as Dumbledore doesn't pick my name I'm fine." Voiced Peter," I don't want to be named... something stupid like Gary Stu."  
  
"I agree. I don't think Dumbledore should make up a story of our past either." James decided. "I don't want people to think that I'm from Durstrang or some bloody American Wizarding school."  
  
"I say our pasts are no ones business but our own."  
  
"I agree Sirius." Remus nodded." All opposed to the idea that we tell people nothing of our pasts say 'nay.'"  
  
"........."  
  
"........." ".........."  
  
"All in favor."  
  
"Yay!"  
  
"Settled."  
  
"Will you four 'urry up? We've gotta get you some money, then it's lots to buy!"  
  
The Maurders mumbled an apology to Hagrid for holding him up and raced inside Gringots.  
  
By the time it was all over, each boy learned he had an account set up for him by Dumbledore, they didn't need a name on the account to withdrawal money, just their keys.  
  
The Goblins found this very odd and annoying but kept their mouths shut for business sake. Each boy would get a monthy 'allowance' from Dumbledore that would be kept form them in their volts. If they behaved badly then the amount deposited was slightly reduced.  
  
"Who in the bloody hell does he think he is?" Peter whined," My dad?"  
  
"Might as well be. Remember we've got no families left, except for James." Remus said selecting an owl." Sad thing is he can never talk to him."  
  
"MOONY! PRONGS! WORMTAIL! COME LOOL!" Sirius yelled running up and dragging his friends as fast as he could down Diagon Alley.  
  
"You MORON!" James yelled and hit Sirius upside his head." Yelling and drawing attention like that you mornon!"  
  
Sirius whined and rubbed the back of his head." I only did that because I wanted to show you this!"  
  
They stopped in front of the smallest building at the end of Diagon Alley. The sign out front read, _"Weasley's Joke Emporium."  
_  
"Let's go have a look." and Sirius was the first to enter the store..........only to have a large bucket of slime levitating above it fall on his head.  
  
"WELCOME! YOUR OUR FIRST NON-AT-SCHOOL CUSTOMER!" Yelled to red-headed twins.  
  
_End of chapter 2 _


	3. Author's Note

; I'll update soon I promise. apologizes.


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